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David
‘My parents would be astounded to see me still alive...’

David

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Life before HIV: Haemophilia was very severe in those days; it was life-threatening. For the first ten to twelve years of my life or more, I spent a good proportion of the year in hospital: in-and-out, in-and-out, in-and-out. So although I had quite a happy childhood as far as my parents were concerned (they looked after me, and all that sort of thing), in many ways, it has been a journey from darkness into light, because my childhood was full of darkness, of pain and illness. On several occasions I almost died, and my parents were called in, thinking I was going to die.

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Finding out: We knew there was this problem which probably came via the treatment - that was known. It was known it was spreading rapidly in America. I don't think at that particular time anyone had died with it, but some people were feeling a bit ill - some of them, one or two. So we didn't really know very much about it. All we knew was that it was this life-threatening condition, which hadn't got a name then.

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Intimate relationships: At first, we continued as normal because we'd always used contraceptives. But then it became more and more mechanical and difficult and also my wife was more and more worried. And so gradually it tailed off, and really we became celibate from about the late Eighties and early Nineties onwards. We just gave up a sex life in that sense. That may be said to have improved our marriage in some ways, because sex can be quite a difficult situation - sometimes, not always. It has been difficult, obviously, but we have remained celibate for many years now. And I know that's true of several other haemophiliacs, because they've told me.

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Help and support: We had this meeting, and there was myself and about three or four other haemophiliacs - all of whom I know, most of them younger than me. Prof Bloom said: 'Well, there was this problem' (which we were aware of) and he couldn't say what was going to happen, but he thought it might be a good idea if we tried to form a help group. We gathered together and set up the group, and it was agreed we'd have the next meeting in a room in a pub called the Birchgrove. That is, of course, why subsequently, when we did set it up, the organisation became known as the Birchgrove Group.

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Anger and blame: Many people felt bitter about the fact that lots of the blood which was initially from America came from the gay community, but then the gays were giving it because they were socially aware, and were altruistic if you like, and so you couldn't really blame them. I blame the American system in the fact that it gave money and therefore paid them and didn't take any care about who they took it from, drug addicts, prison inmates, who they already knew had HIV rife among the population, they were cavalier in that way, I didn't agree with that...

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Personal reflections: When I was born, the average age of a haemophiliac was eighteen years. Well, I'm seventy now. My parents would be astounded to see me still alive. Last night I saw a philosopher talking on television on this atheism series (I'm a great atheist myself) and he said that, you know, people ask - what is the meaning of life? Well, the meaning of life is to live it - what's going on now. If you can live your own life, and live it to the full, then that is the meaning of your life.